


Call for Air

by majpolaris



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Relationships, I Don't Even Know, M/M, we become selfish when it hurts too much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:41:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24182263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/majpolaris/pseuds/majpolaris
Summary: Bokuto has always known what Akaashi is like. He's timid, straightforward, and kind. Despite all of these things, Bokuto finds himself gasping for air and Tsukishima seems to offer exactly that.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Bokuto Koutarou/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 2
Kudos: 39





	Call for Air

Bokuto has always known what Akaashi is like. He's timid, straightforward, and kind. Those were the exact same things that made him fall in love with his setter, after all. So, when the two of them got together, Bokuto believed everything will turn out all right. It wasn't until Bokuto found out that Akaashi had more walls up than what he had imagined and that he is deeper into his own void than he had anticipated.

  


Bokuto tried to put up with it. He gave Akaashi space. In fact, he gave the other way too much space that he ended up feeling the one who's strangled, almost always out of breath. It was difficult. He cannot comprehend. Akaashi once said he's his star, but why does it seem like Akaashi's the one who he can't reach? It was exhausting.

  


"Can I get a hug?" he asks one night. He just wants to feel a bit of warm heat that isn't coming from his comforter.

"I'm drained, sorry. Tomorrow?" Akaashi suggests.

Bokuto gives him a slight nod and replies, "Yes," while wondering when that tomorrow would ever come. It probably won't, he admits to himself.  
That night, he cannot sleep. It was cold, but his surroundings feel cramped that it becomes hot. The nights before tonight were difficult, too, but Bokuto managed to sleep then. Now it feels like that's the last thing he can accomplish.

Maybe he just needs a walk. He gets up, puts on his coat, and leaves the house. It was one o’clock in the morning. He can feel the cold breeze hit his face. He becomes aware of the shaking of his jaw. Wow, there are so many things that will become evident when the world is quiet. And when you're alone, Bokuto thinks. There aren’t many people on the street, but it’s not as empty to the point of being eerie. He proceeds to walk, looking up at the sky from time to time, checking if the stars have become more visible.

"Koutaro?"

He glances back to the direction of the voice. He tilts his head, trying to assess the person who called his name. He scoffs when he realized who it is.

“Tsukki! Tsukki, is that really you? I almost didn’t recognize you,” he gushes. “You’re all covered-up.”

“It’s cold,” Tsukki explains simply and takes his turn to examine Bokuto who is now face to face with him. He’s still the same guy he met four years ago, maybe even better. His shoulders are still broad, his body packed with muscles that scream hard work. Bokuto is as Bokuto as he can get, if that makes any sense at all.

Bokuto nods enthusiastically, as if the cold is good news. “What are you doing here?”

“I can’t sleep,” he shrugs.

“Me too! How have you been, by the way? Oh, actually, do you want to share a drink with me?” Bokuto offers.

Tsukishima’s eyes wander off to scan their surroundings, contemplating on whether drinking will calm him more than strolling.

“I guess it’s fine,” he finally agrees.

Bokuto beams. “Okay! Let’s go to your place.”

“Wah, wait, my place?”

“Yup! Where else? I’m sure you wouldn’t wanna stay in a bar, would you?”

True enough, he wouldn’t.

  


They stop by a convenience store for drinks and Tsukishima wonders if he’ll get through the night alive, what with the amount of alcohol Bokuto plans to intoxicate their bodies with.

  


“Is something wrong?” the blonde asks the moment they step in his house. He removes his garments one by one, while Bokuto makes himself feel at home on the couch after hanging his coat.

Bokuto looks up at Tsukishima. “Nothing much. Why?”

“Well, these bottles of vodka and beer tell me otherwise,” he gestures to the bottles.

The former ace smirks. “You’re still awfully smart.”

“Thank you,” the other retorts.

Bokuto sighs, signifying defeat. “I just… feel suffocated because it’s cold and yet my body feels like it’s about to burst. Like, it’s too cramped so everything feels heavy and tight, but I can’t seem to expand because the other side of where I am is numbing. Like, I’m at a dead end? Ha, sorry, I’m sure as hell I didn’t make any sense just now.”

But that’s exactly how he feels. January makes his world inconveniently cold, but the way Akaashi acts inside their relationship makes the world close in on him. It’s like he is drowning, but there’s no water to drown in…. and if he attempts to get away from it, he knows he’ll only feel miserable.

For someone as simple-minded as Bokuto, the words he used seem too much. But Tsukishima knows that Bokuto was never as simple as he presented himself to be. Bokuto is a deep water that’s remain untouched. He has a lot to offer, and he himself has not brought that to light.

“You…” Tsukishima begins cautiously, still trying to make sense of Bokuto’s babbling. “You mean, you can’t choose where to go?”

“More like, I’m afraid to,” he answers truthfully. “Anyway, enough about that. How is it like to be surrounded with beautiful things every day?”

Tsukishima thinks about his everyday life at the museum. “It’s nice, I guess. Hmm, I’ve seen the artworks probably a hundred times over, but I still get to discover things with every group of people that drops by. I think that’s the best part.”

“That’s nice, Tsukki. Your life is flowing no matter how steady you may be.”

The younger man doesn’t even try to conceal his confusion. “What does that even mean?”

“Just that.”

  


The two continuously talked for hours until there’s only one bottle of beer left.

  


“Does that have something to do with Akaashi?” Tsukishima asks out of the blue.

“What is?” Bokuto throws the question back. He finally lets himself go and now his body’s sprawled on the floor, his head inches away from Tsukshima’s torso.

“When you said you feel strangled.”

“Suffocated?”

“Yeah, that,” he says. Tsukishima doesn’t know if it was the alcohol or just himself and his long-time desire, but he puts his left hand on Bokuto’s hair. Bokuto doesn’t seem to mind so he proceeds to brush his hair. It’s soft, like how he has always imagined.

“Yes. I can’t breathe, Tsukki. I love him, I really do, but I don’t wanna lose myself while trying to save us. I can’t do that. I’m sorry.”

Tsukishima no longer understands everything, but he still knows there’s no need to apologize.

“Sorry for what?” he blurts. “Come here,” he orders and pats his lap. Bokuto hesitates for a few seconds, but the cold hard floor is starting to hurt the back of his head. The moment he places his head on his friend’s lap, tears escape his eyes. Tsukishima hasn’t stopped brushing the owl’s hair. He let him cry and speak.

“You know, when we got together, I was so confident. I mean, come on, it’s Akaashi and me. There’s nothing we can’t do. Joke’s on me, though, because there are so many things that I cannot and will never be able to do. One of them is bridging the space between us.”

“How can you be so sure about it?”

Bokuto rolls over so he’s lying flat on the floor and is staring right into Tsukishima’s eyes.

“I know because I’ve tried it for years and look where it got me. Nowhere.” A slight smile forms on his face, one that is obviously caused by bitterness.

“I wouldn’t say that,” Tsukishima disagrees as he averts his gaze. “You’re here now, with me. Uh, I mean, maybe it’s some sort of fate? Not that I believe in such. Just… I don’t know, maybe it’s not over for you. Maybe this encounter will help you realize something?”

  


It’s the alcohol, yes, it definitely is, Tsukishima tries to convince himself.

  


What is he thinking? It’s true that Bokuto’s one of the few people that changed his life and made him a better person, but he’s aware that it doesn’t go both ways. He’s never done anything for Bokuto and there’s not much he can do, honestly. He’s worthless, but he wonders that maybe this time, he can do something. Anything.

  


“Actually, I can’t help you,” he admits.

Bokuto scoffs. “You say that but you’re already helping me.”

“What are you saying?”

He takes a moment before placing his hand on top of Tsukishima’s hand that’s playing with his hair. “This,” he declares. “I can breathe. It feels good.”

The two of them fall silent. Five seconds. Thirty seconds. Three minutes. No one knows how long they’ve been quiet, until Bokuto decides to break the ice.

“Tsukki?” he mumbles, his eyes closed.

“Hmm?”

“I’m going to leave Keiji.”

“What?” Tsukishima almost shouted.

“I think it’s for the best.”

Tsukishima hums, unable to say anything. It’s overwhelming, hearing the person he likes talk like this about the person he loves. Yes, Tsukishima finally admits to himself, he likes Bokuto Koutaro. Ever since their first encounter and for all those years.

“Do you think we will work?” Bokuto asks, bringing Tsukishima back to his senses.

Bokuto confuses him. He just said he’ll leave him, but now he’s asking whether they’ll still work? Tsukihima bites his lip to compose himself. “Of course, you will,” he answers truthfully. He looks up to Akaashi just as much as he does Bokuto. “You and Akaashi—”

“Not us. I mean, we, you and I.”

“Koutaro… I don’t think this is right. You’re committed to him. It’s unfair.”

Tsukishima can feel the movements of Bokuto’s head, like he’s nodding in agreement.

“In a few hours, I won’t be. I’ll ask you again,” he claims.

-

  


Bokuto opens his eyes only to see Tsukishima soundly sleeping beside him. He gives him a small peck on the forehead. He looks like an angel, far from the intimidating look he always has when he’s awake.  
“I’ll be back,” he whispers.

  


When he arrives at his house, it’s already past six and the sun has fully risen.

  


“Koutaro.”

He yelps upon hearing the voice. “Keiji? Why are you up so early?” he asks, as Keiji steps out of the bathroom.

“I don’t know. You weren’t there when I did and I couldn’t do back to sleep.”

“Oh.”

“Where did you go? Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“I just… went for a walk. I thought you needed to rest more so I let you sleep in.”

Akaashi smiles. “I see. Want a hug?” he opens his arms wide.

Bokuto feels a lump in his throat form. “Thank you, Akaashi, it’s okay. I’m going to take a bath first. I’m all sweaty,” he responds and walks into their bedroom to get his towel.

Akaashi remains in his place dumbfounded. Did Koutrao just turn down a hug? From Akaashi, nonetheless? Did Bokuto just call him Akaashi?

  


“Huh? Why are you still standing there? You might catch a cold if you don’t dress now,” Bokuto warns. He is one step away from the bathroom floor, but he feels Akaashi’s chilly hand wrapped around his arm. He almost yelps again.

“Koutaro?”

“What?”

“I can smell you.”

Fuck.

“Akaashi,” he starts.

“Koutaro, I’m Keiji!” Akaashi snaps and Bokuto finally realizes he’s called him Akaashi twice now.

“Ah—I’m sorry, Keiji. Please let go of my arm. I want to take a bath.”

Akaashi glares at his lover. “No.”

Bokuto sighs and scrapes his neck in an attempt to remove an invisible grip. His hand then travels to Akaashi’s hand. He gives it a squeeze before removing it.

“I’m going to take a bath,” he repeats one more time, this time with such conviction as if taking a bath is a life-changing decision that he takes pride in. He enters the bathroom, leaving a teary-eyed Akaashi behind.

  


It hurts and he knows Akaashi’s in pain, too. But if this continues, nothing’s going to change. When he gets out of shower, he finds his partner sitting on the edge of their bed, staring at nothing in particular. He observes their room and he can tell that not much is different from when they moved in together. Their bed is still the same queen size bed, their curtain’s still brown, and their lamp is still the owl-shaped one Akaashi got as an exchange gift two Christmas days ago.

Bokuto figures that when he leaves, everything will stay the same. Not just because his absence won’t mean much, but because that’s the type of person Akaashi is. Rigid. Sturdy. Constant. An absence of a man won’t change him, and neither his presence would. He mentally laughs remembering how he always said everything will be okay because they’re one and now the only solution he has for that to become a reality is for them to go back to being one on their own.

  


“Keiji,” he calls and walks over to his closet.

Keiji looks up at the same time the tears start falling down. “Koutaro, tell me,” he pleads. “What happened? I know you’ve been gone for hours.”

“I just went for a walk,” Bokuto repeats his answer.

“And where did that take you?”

Bokuto sighs. “I… I saw Tsukki.”

Akaashi presses his lips together before he proceeds to talk. “Tsukishima? You met him?”

“By chance,” Bokuto clarifies. “I saw him on the street.”

“And?”

“We talked over a few drinks.”

“And?”

“That’s it.”

“I know it’s not. Do you even know the face you’re making right now?”

Bokuto turns his back as if it would protect him from his partner’s prying eyes. “Let’s talk when you’re feeling better,” he suggests.

“Don’t pin this on me! I’m asking you because I want to know. There’s no need for me to feel better.”

“Akaashi, I’m just thinking about you.”

“And yet you called me Akaashi again.”

“Keiji,” he mumbles. “Last night, you said you’re tired.”

“And I told you I’d be okay tomorrow. That’s today. I’m not stupid, Koutaro. Don’t take me for one.”

“I… I think you’ll get your life together faster when I’m not here.”

Akaashi’s heart twists in an excruciating way, everything they did together filling his mind like a raging storm and everything they promised they’d do together leaving, slowly, one by one.

“When… You said when. You’ve already decided on it,” Akaashi states.

As if to answer his question, Bokuto takes out his luggage bag and fills it up with his things.

“Koutaro, what the fuck?”

“Keiji, how many years have we been together? How many days? You’ve always been reserved, but I thought you’d at lease open up to me. You said you would. I just don’t see you trying anymore. It suffocates me. You suffocate me.”

  


Silence. It is so quiet both of them could hear the ticking of the clock. Bokuto knows it’s time to apologize but before he could even open his mouth, Akaashi then starts sobbing. "I'm sorry, I was so scared," he reveals and Bokuto is in front of him already, embracing his upper body.

"Of what?" Bokuto asks, confused. What can Akaashi be afraid of?

He sighs. "Us. You. Finding my flaws. Leaving me."

Silence. They could hear each other's call for air.

“Then maybe it’s really time for us to go our separate ways.”

Akaashi’s sobs grow louder.

“Keiji, everything will be fine,” Bokuto reassures as he wipes the tears away from the beautiful face cupped in his hands.

“Then where do you plan to go? To Tsukishima? Did he tell you to leave me? Did he say something?”

Bokuto frantically shakes his head. It’s not like Akaashi to accuse other people.

“I’m sure you already know the answer. Tsukki wouldn’t do something like that,” he says and hugs Akaashi. Akaashi buries his face into Bokuto’s stomach and wraps his arms around his waist.

“I’ve always known he’s interested in you, Koutaro. I’ve always hated it.”

Bokuto stares at Akaashi. “You knew? He didn’t even tell me.”

“He—He didn’t?” he looks up.

“Yeah. But I know he’s waiting for me. I still need to ask him something.”

“Then I’ll go with you.”

Bokuto scratches his head and ponders on the thought. “I don’t think you can.”

“Why not?”

“I…”

Akaashi snorts. “Don’t tell me you like him back? You just met each other again last night after what, two years?”

“I don’t! I don’t, but maybe soon, I will,” he answers honestly. Akaashi deserves the truth. “I was able to breathe when I stayed with him. He understood me. He… He was there and I felt it.”

“Koutaro, don’t go. Please. Koutaro, please.”

  


“Keiji, listen. I’ll still be here for you, okay? I just need to set myself free before I crumble.” He plants a small kiss on the top of his head. “Thank you, Keiji.”

-

  
Bokuto rings the doorbell to Tsukishima’s house.

“You’re such a mess,” is the first thing the blonde says upon seeing Bokuto’s puffy face.

“Tsukki,” he calls.

Tsukishima frowns. “Why don’t you come inside first?”

“No, I need to hear your answer. Do you think we will work?”

The tall man stared into his eyes and Bokuto swears he felt his heart climbing up to his throat. “As long as you don’t accidentally set my house on fire, I think we’re good,” is what he replies. The gust of the wind at that moment interfered with Tsukishima's words, but he was heard. Clearly. 

Bokuto drops everything and throws himself at Tsukishima, hugging him tightly and feeling so free at the same time.

  


They both know it won’t be easy, but Tsukishima willingly accepts the struggles that come with being with Bokuto and Bokuto is ready to do anything to make it work this time because he knows, the universe has finally heard his call for air.

  


**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thank you for reading! This is my first fic and it's a result of my brain whispering BokuTsuki despite my love for BokuAka. I hope you liked it. I made a happy ending [BOKUAKA PROMPT](HTTPS://TWITTER.COM/AKAASHIKOU/STATUS/1246812764808437760) ! Check it out.
> 
> Also, Tsukki is a Libra, which happens to be an air sign. Haha.
> 
> Twitter: [AKAASHIKOU](HTTPS://TWITTER.COM/AKAASHIKOU)


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